Accept Circumstances - Choose Response

Question: My life is not the way am expecting, ... please advise me and pray for me.

Answer:

Our ability to change our circumstances is often woefully limited. However, each of us has an unlimited capability to choose the attitude with which we respond to those circumstances. We can look for joy in the smallest pleasures of life, while accepting the trials to which we have been subjected.

Accept Circumstances - Choose Response.

Expectations

Serenity Prayer

Intention versus Expectation (Demand)

Attitude Quotes

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Impossible Decisions

Question: Please help me. [very long description of the geographic, financial, child-rearing, and personal issues of a divorce] Can you help me with any words of wisdom. Answer: I can't help you with any of the specifics of your very difficult and complex situation. What I can do is to suggest ways to approach those decisions. 1. Get away for a few hours to clear your head. Perhaps take a walk in the woods by yourself. Appreciate the beauty of nature. Enjoy the silence. Whenever thoughts of your problems pop into your head, just thank them, release those thoughts, and return to your silent walk. 2. Make a "list of gratitudes." Write down everything that is good in your life - your physical and mental good health, your children's health - keep filling page after page with everything there is to be grateful for. 3. Hold a "release ceremony" for your troubles. Light a candle or small fire. Write each problem or worry on its own piece of paper and feed that trouble to the cleansing fire. Celebrate as each trouble goes up in smoke. 4. Now, take a piece of paper for each troublesome question you need to decide. Divide the paper into two columns. Write the arguments for one possible decision on the left, and the arguments for the other possible decision on the right. Tear the paper into the two columns. Place one of the columns of paper into each hand. Close your eyes and hold your hands out to the side. Breathe. Open your eyes. Make the decision represented by the hand that has raised itself higher than the other. How does that decision feel? If you feel relieved and pleased by the decision, good, you have made the right decision. If you feel disappointed by the decision your hands made, reverse that decision. 5. Implement your decision and never look back unless a significant new event occurs. May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself. - Jonathan Lockwood Huie Further reading: How to Make a Decision You Won't Regret Zero-Based Gratitude

Growth in Spiritual Life and Career

Question: My growth in my spiritual life and career has stalled, and I have not reached where I should be. Please, what should I do?

My Answer:

There is no particular way your life "should be." Relax, and appreciate your life as it is.

Decide what your highest priorities in life are. Give more attention to those, and spend less time on "obligations" that don't further the priorities of your life.

There are lots of my articles on these subjects at
www.how-to-self.com/self-help/

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Remember

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Can You Make Them Change?

More than half of the requests for personal advice that I receive are very similar. So similar, in fact, that I am tempted to put the following form on my website for anyone seeking advice to fill out...

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Dear Mr. Huie,

My

1. Husband/Wife
2. Boyfriend/Girfriend
3. Relative/Friend

is

1. Alcoholic
2. Physically Abusive
3. Emotionally Abusive (Bully, Angry)
4. Manipulative
5. A Liar
6. A Cheater
7. A Compulsive Spender
8. Compulsively Jealous
9. Obsessively Dependent (Clingy, Demanding)

I can't leave them because of

1. Money
2. Children
3. I Love Him/Her

How can I make him/her change?

Thank you for your help.

Sincerely,
anonymous

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My answer is always the same. You can't "make" anyone else change. A person can make their own conscious choice to change, and if they have sufficient commitment, they can almost always eventually succeed. But if someone hasn't made their own decision that they must, absolutely must, change their own behavior, for their own benefit, you can't "make" them change. Actually, you can never "make" anyone else do anything.

Threats don't work. Even "I'll withhold sex," or "I'll leave you if you don't change," doesn't have any long-term effect.

Bribes don't work - even sex.

Does this mean that the situation is hopeless? No, not at all.

My first question is, "Do you have a strong enough commitment to fixing the problem that you are willing to accept the ways in which you contribute to the situation, and to take decisive action?" That is a really hard question, and many people prefer to cast blame, or just try to wish the problem away.

If someone is committed to taking action, these are some of the steps...

1. Recognize that the other person is not a "bad" person. Don't blame them, but do be clear that their actions are completely incompatible with your own happiness.

2. If, at any time, the other person fully acknowledges their addiction/obsession and seriously seeks help in the form of a 12-step program, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, or professional counseling, make every effort to stay with them and support them.

3. If the other person is unable to recognize their addiction/obsession, leave. Yes, leave them, right now. A home with an alcoholic or abusive parent is no place for a child. You will figure out how to survive financially. And what you think is love is more likely a dependency and fear of being alone. To the extent that you truly love the alcoholic (or abuser or whatever), the greatest act of love you can give them is to allow them to hit bottom, and perhaps recognize that they need to seek out help. "Enabler" and "co-dependent" are terms often used to describe someone whose well-intentioned actions prevent an alcoholic from facing the stark consequences of their behavior.

4. Get help for yourself. Join a support group or get professional counseling. Becoming a single parent, having financial worries, or feeling lonely, unloved, unwanted, and abused are each important reasons for seeking support. Being hit with all those issues at the same time can be overwhelming. Make the commitment to yourself to join your own 12-step program for co-dependents, or get other regular weekly support.

Further reading:

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage "For the Children"

Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings

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Visit these recovery websites by my friends and associates.

• Change your thinking - untangle your life (www.untwist-your-thinking.com) - Information and help for all addictive behaviors - food, substances, gambling, codependency, shoplifting. Ask a question. Tell your story. Hypnosis MP3s.

The One Big Secret to Making the Law of Attraction Work for You

There are many articles, videos, and whole books that discuss aspects of the Law of Attraction and how to best apply it in your life. However, there is one big secret that can help you break through the barriers whenever you seem to be stopped.

To begin with an example: You want a new car, but you can't afford one now. So you visualize the car of your dreams - a bright red sports car. But wait... soon your monkey mind wakes up, and that red sports car becomes a symbol of what you DON'T have. Oops!

Here is a much more powerful way to apply the Law of Attraction. Instead of imagining the car, imagine the FEELINGS you will experience when you own that car. Imagine how secure and comfortable you will feel having paid cash for a reliable beautiful car, and still having a secure bank account. Imagine the confidence you will experience, and the sense of accomplishment.

Now, just forget the car, and focus on the feelings of security, comfort, confidence, and accomplishment.

The Universe may get you a bright red sports car as a physical embodiment of security, comfort, confidence, and accomplishment. But if not, wasn't it the security, the comfort, the confidence, and the feeling of accomplishment that you REALLY wanted in the first place?

Unanswered Prayers

Law of Attraction Quotes

For a look at the Law of Attraction by someone undertaking a personal inquiry into both sides this powerful phenomenon, look at Anne Dessens' introduction to the Law of Attraction.

My Personal Experience of God

What is your personal experience of God? Does God talk to you? Does God send you wordless intuitions when you most need them? Have you had the experience of receiving physical of emotional healing? Or the experience of acting as a channel to facilitate the healing of others?

On the other hand, perhaps your experience of God is that the whole concept is a fraud, and there is nothing beyond ourselves in the universe.

Are you willing to share your personal experience with others? If you are, Please write, as a comment below, whatever aspects of your personal experience of God you feel called to share. PLEASE do not make negative comments on the personal experience anyone else has shared.

In case you are reading this as an email, or an RSS feed, or on Facebook, the address for reading the experiences of others and entering your own (as a comment) is http://www.mind4joy.com/2011/06/my-personal-experience-of-god.html

My special thanks go out to those who are courageous enough to share their experience.

Perspectives on the Nature of God

Have a Conversation With God, Today

Unanswered Prayers

Feel Your Connection With the Infinite - a Meditation

Grant That I May Radiate

Understanding, Love, and Compassion for All

The following quotes are by the Most Rev. Dr. Desmond Tutu in his new book God Is Not A Christian: And Other Provocations. Archbishop Tutu has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, the Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism, and the Gandhi Peace Prize

We must hold to our particular and peculiar beliefs tenaciously, not pretending that all religions are the same, for they are patently not the same. We must be ready to learn from one another, not claiming that we alone possess all truth and that somehow we have a corner on God.

We are supposed to proclaim the God of love, but we have been guilty as Christians of sowing hatred and suspicion; we commend the one whom we call the Prince of Peace, and yet as Christians we have fought more wars than we care to remember. We have claimed to be a fellowship of compassion and caring and sharing, but as Christians we often sanctify sociopolitical systems that belie this, where the rich grow ever richer and the poor grow ever poorer, where we seem to sanctify a furious competitiveness, ruthless as can only be appropriate to the jungle.

The answer? Understanding, Love, and Compassion for All.

Coping with Heartbreak

The February 2011 issue of Scientific American has an article on the chemistry of love. A variety of chemicals and the corresponding receptors in your brain undergo dramatic changes when you are in love, and the opposite changes when you are heartbroken. For example, when you are in love, the changes in brain chemistry cause anxiety and fear levels go down, while trust increases.

In general, the chemical changes that occur when one experiences romantic love, maternal love, or unconditional love are similar, and are positive effects - with the caveat that love can make one overly trusting and open to deception.

Conversely, the chemistry of being broken-hearted is almost all negative. But it isn't hopeless. Here are several suggestions to help manage heartbreak.

Take advantage of the fact that all forms of love have related benefits. If you have lost a romantic partner, focus on building other forms of love.

1. Spend more time with young children. Offer to babysit for relatives and friends.

2. Reconnect with old friends and reminisce about good times you had together.

3. Be of service to the less fortunate. Perhaps volunteer to visit shut-ins. Focus on your unconditional love for all humans.

4. Get a cat or small dog. Look for one that likes to sit on your lap or next to you on the couch.

Exercise. There are some similarities between the chemistry of love and the chemistry of exercise. If your doctor says your health supports it, break a sweat. While walking and other light exercises are great in general, the mood-enhancing effects of exercise mostly come after your workout gets you sweating.

Medication. If your heartbreak is causing severe depression, your doctor can prescribe medication to adjust your brain chemistry.

May today be your day to dance lightly with life
to sing wild songs of adventure,
to invite rainbows and butterflies out to play,
to soar your spirit and unfurl your joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie