It Is Up To You

Reader question: dear sir , i really do have somewhat of a big problem , at least that whats i consider to be . i tend to care a great deal about people but they don't tend to return that care or love back , its not like i want something in return but i just think it would be nice if things are balanced , and it really gets me confused as in what to do .. need a few ideas on how to deal with such people.. thanks a lot .. Looking forward to hearing from you ..

My response:

It is about you - it is not about them.

Life isn't fair - or balanced.

It is up to you to live a joyful and productive life.

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair."
Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be.
Demanding that life meet our expectations
is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence.
Life is a game with no rules.
Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions.
Our only path to happiness lies in being open
to receiving whatever life throws at us -
with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: Zero-Based Gratitude

Life is Not Supposed to be Fair

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Bad Job, Tough Times

Reader's question:  I just want to know what do you do if you are not happy at the present job in this hard economic situations.  You try to survive but the salary does not even meet the ends.  It's tough you wake up every day, not even wanting to go to work.

My Answer:

1. Focus your thoughts and your gratitude on aspects of your life other than your job.

2. Look for things to enjoy about your job - perhaps interactions with your co-workers or your customers.

3. Look for ways to live comfortably on less money. (see Tips for Saving Money while Living Well)

4. Think about what kind of job would be ideal for you - perhaps a job in which you are of great service to humankind. Then talk with all your friends about your vision, and ask them what connections they have that might connect you with such a job.

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
- Charles Swindoll

Further reading: How to Cope With the Emotional Devastation of Financial Loss

Question Your Questions

Greed and Betrayal

Reader's question: I am having trouble getting past others' greed and betrayal. It is worse than a cancer...how do you get past that?

My answer:

1. Understand that others are not "out to get you." People tend to be fearful, self-centered, and greedy - but their actions are seldom "about you," so don't take their actions personally.

2. Avoid anger, and especially avoid thoughts of revenge. Those thoughts only hurt yourself. Forgive others for their fears and weaknesses.

3. Cultivate your true friends.

4. Honor and trust your own values. Never lower your own standards.

5. Never lose faith in yourself, or faith in the goodness of Creation.

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

While seeking revenge, dig two graves -
one for yourself.
- Douglas Horton