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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

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When You Have Been Wronged

You have tried really hard to see the situation from the other person's point of view. And you have tried really hard to convince yourself that being "right" about this issue isn't as important as your happiness. And you are still feeling wronged - and very angry - and outraged. Now what?

First, what not to do...

Try to avoid feeling helpless. Having a "victim" mentality will only make things far worse. You aren't weak. You aren't a loser. You haven't even lost the war. You have just lost one particular battle. So reaffirm your strength, your ability, and your confidence in yourself.

Avoid revenge - or thoughts of revenge - for two reasons. 1. You are likely to injure yourself - physically, emotionally, and legally - far more than you damage the other person. 2. If you are the kind of person I hope you are, your value system prohibits you from harming another person (however much you may feel in the instant the urge to "wring their neck").

So what can you do?

Attempt to approach the situation neither with an attitude of weakness, nor an attitude of aggression, but with an attitude of personal strength and a commitment to your goals and values. Find another way to reach your goals rather than either retreating or crashing again and again into a more powerful opponent.

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan

Remember that you have no "rights." Don't base your actions or feelings on your own expectation of how things "should" be. At the same time, be VERY careful to avoid equating "having no rights" with being helpless. You can "have no rights" and still be a strong and confident person.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Release the problem to your higher power.

I will gather myself around my faith,
for light does the darkness most fear.
- Jewel

And find a way to laugh at the situation, and at yourself.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter.
If you can find humor in anything, even poverty,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby