We All Want Great Results

In a recent Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote message Perspective of Love, I included this thought...

Virtually everything is a matter of perspective and opinion. Whether the subject is politics, religion, sex, the kids' homework, or anything else, there really isn't a "right" way, just the way you prefer.

In response, I received a wonderful email that said, "Maybe. But some ways get great results and others... Get other results."

I loved that email because it so emphasizes my original point.

Do you see the "gotcha" already?

Of course we all want "great results." But can we agree on what a great result would be? Will re-electing President Obama be a "great result?" Or would electing a Republican President be a "great result?"

The definition of a "great result," like virtually everything else, is a matter of perspective and opinion.

Social Obligations

There are legal obligations, such as paying your mortgage. There are moral obligations, such as giving good care to your children and helping those in need. And then there are social obligations.

Often, others would like you to believe that social obligations are moral obligations, but the distinction is clear, and of vital importance to the joy and satisfaction you create in your life.

If you feel obligated to have dinner with your mother-in-law every Sunday, that is a social obligation. If you feel obligated to vote the way your father votes, that is a social obligation. If you feel obligated to remain in the town you grew up in, that is a social obligation (unless you are actively providing care to your parents or someone else).

Social obligations are perpetuated by habit. It takes real courage to confront long-standing social "obligations" - to call them what they are - and to break with tradition and make the tough choices that are best in the long run for yourself and those you love.

Focus on the "New" in New Year, and make today the day you choose to break old habits that no longer serve you. Make today the day to end social "obligations" that exist only out of habit. Face the possible embarrassment of telling your friends and family that you are now making choices that best serve yourself and your children - without regard to old habits and expectations.

New Years Resolutions Require a Dramatic Change in Attitude

New Years Resolutions simply don't work if they originate just from the idea that you ought to make some changes. Real changes in your life require a dramatic change in attitude.

To create real change, you have to have to be committed to making real sacrifices. Consider whether there is anything about your life that you would run through fire to change. If there is, make the plans, set up the daily progress notebooks, track your progress daily, and be willing to do some suffering in order to accomplish the changes.

But if you have a casual attitude toward your New Years Resolutions, just cross them off your to-do list today, and save yourself the effort of watching them go down to their inevitable defeat.

Take a look at the dramatic imagery that my friend Dmitri Bilgere uses in this video to emphasize the degree of commitment needed to create effective change in your life.



Se more of Dmitri at livethelifeyoulongfor.com

Planting Seeds

Let this ending of a year, and the beginning of a new year be a time to consider what is really important in life.

New Years resolutions are most often abandoned by the end of January, and forgotten soon after, but New Years resolutions can help you to build a whole new life when they are based upon real commitments to long term values.

Please take time, right now, to write a list of your 5 or 6 most important values.

Test those values against this metric. Will each of those values still be high on your list in ten years? If you doubt the long term nature of the items on your list, consider revising it.

Now ask yourself whether the New Years resolutions you are about to adopt are the best reflection of the long term values on your list.

Your values, and the resolutions that you are committing to, are acorns that will grow into strong oak trees over the decades, so long as you continue your commitment and daily attention to them.

Choose well, and live into your commitment.

See: Quotes about Values

Kindness and Charity

Kindness and charity are the earthly building blocks that support all the world's religions.

Every Christian knows the story of the Good Samaritan and recognizes that the overarching theme of Jesus' teaching is loving and caring for all people.

You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

Charity (Zakat - giving to the needy) is one of the Five Pillars of Islam. Most chapters of the Quran begin, "In the name of God the Compassionate." Therefore, in Islam, as in other religions, one would best emulate God by being compassionate.

Compassion is a central value - perhaps the central value of Buddhism.

A generous heart, kind speech,
and a life of service and compassion
are the things which renew humanity.
- The Buddha

Compassion is also a central value in Judaism, Hinduism, and the world's other major religions.

Each of the major religions, and also the major philosophical systems of thought, such as the ancient Greek, include expressions of the Golden Rule in some form.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
- Luke 6:31 (the "Golden Rule")

Does this mean that everyone who claims membership in an organized religion is compassionate and generous? Obviously, it doesn't. From the Crusades to Nazi Germany to 9/11 to some of today's churches excluding couples in racially-mixed marriages, some terrible things have been done in the name of religion. I find great irony in some of today's right-wing American politicians trumpeting their association with Christianity while simultaneously pursuing policies of greed, selfishness, and lack of compassion.

However, compassion, kindness, and generosity are not dead. For each of the many highly public cases in which cruelty, or just indifference, is committed in the name of religion, there are a hundred kind and generous souls working within their community churches to promote kindness and improve the lives of their neighbors and the lives of strangers around the world.

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures
is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them:
that's the essence of inhumanity.
- George Bernard Shaw

Play to win, but be a good loser.

Question: Dear Sir, I read your post on anger which stated that accept with gratitude what life throws at you, however, is it really possible?
Its easy to say that accept what life throws at you but how to really do this? When you take a task at hand it is with an expectation that you will come out with flying colors and of course you will feel terrible when things don't go your way. You had put in efforts so that things could go your way, you can extract from life what you want. Otherwise why would anyone put any efforts?

My Answer:

As they would say in children's sports, "Play to win, but be a good loser."

Team sports really do create quite a good mini-model of life. Some days you win. Some days you lose. If you don't accept today's loss with grace and courage, you never get to play (and win) tomorrow.

Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is.
- Vince Lombardi

Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's one of life's great paradoxes ...

Accepting with gratitude whatever life throws at us is critical to happiness.

Yet without a goal and commitment, life lose much of its value.

The best we can do in the face of this paradox is to play to win, but be cheerful in defeat, and be ready to play again.
May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading:

Quotes about Winning

Quotes about Play

Quotes about Attitude

Quotes about Anger

Quotes about Gratitude

Break Old Patterns of Action

I do it. You do it. Most of the actions each of us take every day are based on reacting to a situation, rather than carefully considering it.

If we encounter a situation that feels different from anything we have ever encountered, we may actually stop to think before we act. But generally whatever happens feels familiar, even though this exact thing never happened before. And we instinctively take the same action we took in apparently similar situations.

For example, if we are approached by a person with a limp dressed in shabby clothes, we KNOW that person is a panhandler, and ignore the possibility that they need directions, or have useful information to share with us.

As an exercise in breaking habitual patterns of action, stretch yourself by...

1. Attending a worship service of a different denomination than your own - preferably one you don't feel at all called to - and listen attentively and openly to every word.

2. Attending a political rally of the "other" political party and listening attentively and openly.

3. Taking a walk in a neighborhood where predominately "other" kinds of people live. Shop in a neighborhood store. Listen openly to the conversations around you. Be conscious if you feel fear, and examine what concerns you.

4. Inviting your least favorite relative to lunch, and just listening to their ideas and values without interrupting, arguing, or even expressing your own differing point of view.

Further reading: Quotes that Make You Think

Insightful Quotes

Quotes about Transformation

Quotes about Values

Quotes about Belief

Quotes about Religion