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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie (jlh @sail7.com)

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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

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A Question about Forgiveness and Moving On when Hurt

Question from a reader: How can I forgive a person who has taken advantage of me and abused me. I am in a relationship with a person who has lied over and over, and when things don't go his way he just walks out. I want to be able to move on, am ready for that, but I just feel like he has hurt me so much emotionally and spirituality, and he gets to go on like nothing happened.

My reply:

Take care of yourself - nothing more, nothing less.

Move on with no regrets, and as few resentments as you can possibly manage. Whatever anger you feel will only hurt you, not him. Any thoughts of revenge only hurt you, not him.


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiving others is a gift to yourself,
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiveness is not always easy.
At times, it feels more painful
than the wound we suffered,
to forgive the one that inflicted it.
And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.
- Marianne Williamson


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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